The living room is filled with all kinds of toys; they need to be put away if you want to sit on the couch. The kitchen counter is filled with animal figurines and color pencils are all over the stairs. There is no doubt, there is a child in this house… and you feel completely invaded!

Real Life Situation

Why are children so invading when they play?

For a child, “leaving a trace” is a spontaneous behavior: from the small figurine on the window sill to the pile of blocks she left in the middle of the place because she got interested in something else, the house is her playground. Her desire to play is her main focus and using the house as a playground is her way to assert herself.

She also leaves her toys everywhere because she wants to be close to her parent. This physical proximity gives her a sense of security and makes it easy for her to get her parent’s support when she has to overcome an obstacle when she plays (e.g., put a piece in a puzzle), have her accomplishments acknowledge (e.g., “Look at the giant I drew; does he scare you?”), or needs motivation to continue to play (e.g., “Would you like to play store with me? I could lend you some money”).

Very early, a child feels the need to explore; any item in her environment (e.g., a necklace, food or clothes) becomes a toy and the whole house becomes her playground. As she becomes autonomous however, the child has an increasing need to own certain items (e.g., her toys, her clothes, her videotapes) and to mark her territories (e.g., her bedroom, her office, her toy box). Rather egocentric, the child will be tempted to “expand her personal territory” without thinking for a single minute that this could be felt by others as annoying and constraining (e.g., “No, you can’t sit in this chair; this is my doll’s bed”).

Even if this child’s behavior is “normal”, the people in the house may soon find it intruding and sooner or later, they will say so. Confronted to their reactions, the child will learn about their needs (e.g., “mommy doesn’t want us to play in her office because there are fragile objects”). She also learns that the space in the house is to be shared, that some areas are private (e.g., bedrooms) and others are for the family (e.g., common areas).

However, this learning process will not be simple for the child as she is more likely to experience it as a constraint. But over time, she will also experience the benefits (her toys will be respected and nobody will use her space without her approval). She will therefore integrate this learning process gradually but to achieve this, she will also need her parent’s help.

Tips for Parents

How can you help your child use the space appropriately when she plays?

• Take some time to play with your child
  When you spend time with your child, or go play with her in her play area, you give her the feeling that she is not alone, you stimulate her desire to play and you make her feel secure. She may not need as much to follow you wherever you go.
  


• Let her have her own space
  It is important for a child to have her own space where she can play as much as she wants, where she can move the furniture or put her toys wherever she wants without causing problems to anyone or disrupting the routine of the house. For instance, this space can be her room, an area in the basement or an area that is hardly used.



• Have a set of clear and constant rules about how to use the different house areas
  Identify the areas where your child can play, eat or drink and those where she cannot and maintain these rules consistently. Clearly identify the areas that specifically belong to your child, those that belong to the other members of the family and those that are common.
  


• Teach your child how to respect others when sharing the common areas in the house
  Some areas are used by the entire family. Your child needs to learn to respect everyone’s private space inside the common areas in the house. For instance, you can help her understand that she must keep the couch to herself and her play. She must share the couch with the other members of the family and they too, have the right to use it to read or watch television.
  


• Teach your child to put her toys away
  Teach her how to pick up toys and put them away. You can create the ritual and ensure that putting her toys away becomes an activity you will do with her. You could ask her to teach you the song she sings at the daycare center when it’s time to put the toys away.
  

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